Day 2 of trying the breakfast recipes in the Diabetic Cookbook wasn't so bad, sausage and pepper grits. To be fair, I love peppers and sausage. I also didn't use turkey sausage and put butter in my grits because that's how I make grits. Instead of green peppers, I used a yellow and orange mix. I also topped the entire dish with an egg so I'm sure all the nutrition numbers on the recipe are now wrong because of it. I didn't put sugar in the grits like I usually do, but it tasted okay, especially compared to yesterday.
Even writing this about an hour after eating, I can feel a bit of an energy boost most likely from all the veggies in this dish. Maybe I can get some writing done. I feel like my creativity got a small boost but that could be from a number of things like more reading or the morning walks. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings?
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Ma recently bought a diabetic cookbook. She has a tendency to buy things that look useful or interesting and then puts them somewhere and forgets about them. Well, I planned on putting this book to use and told her she was going to try every recipe in the book at least once. She wanted to know why. Because you bought the book, that's why. So, today marks day one of a month of diabetic breakfasts. I'd do all the meals at once, but that's a lot of cooking and who wants to do that. And besides, I spent $50 on fruits and veggies alone when I bought groceries. Buying supplies for the entire book at once might would've broke the bank.
Ma finished her bowl even though she hated it, so good for her I guess. I just couldn't do it. Quinoa is a gross food. Maybe I'd eat it if I add so much sugar that there's no point in even trying to call it healthy, like turning it into rice pudding or something. Rice pudding with tons of sugar that's a complete protein.
I was going to go in order for 30 days, but I'm really interested in the sausage grits. The recipe calls for turkey sausage, but I already have country sausage and don't want to waste it so tomorrow's breakfast sounds like it might actually be good. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Inspire, motivate, believe. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. As many of you may know, I’ve had surgery back on the 2nd. Nothing serious, I was full of fibroids and wasn’t ready for a hysterectomy at 40. I don’t have any children. I always said that if it happened it would be fine and if it didn’t that would be fine too, but when faced with the finality of having my baby factory completely shut down, I sort of panicked. I’ve always done things my own way on my own terms so why would this be any different? I can only assume that surgery was a success and things are fine at this point. Haven’t talked to the doctor about it just yet, but I feel okay. I remember going in and out of consciousness after with some strangers calling my name and then waking up a bit more when I heard someone tell me they were going to take me to my mom. Apparently, the procedure took longer than it was supposed to and she was asking about me. They told me before hand that they would wait for me to be completely awake before taking me to her, but they wheeled me out to her a bit early which is what I think woke me up more. I heard her voice.
The nurse tried a few times to put it in my hand, but I wasn’t coherent enough to figure that out. She explained that I could only use it once every 10 minutes. Ma agreed that she wouldn’t push it again and the nurse left. I can only assume I was groaning because after some amount of time, she pushed it again and kissed my forehead. At some point, she started feeding me ice chips. I’m not entirely sure what her cue for that was. I remember thinking that my mouth was insanely dry and wishing I could have a drink, and then right away there she was with an ice chip in a spoon at my mouth. After a few chips, I was out again. After waking up again, I figured out how hands work and was able to push my own button, just as soon as I could figure out what a button was. She helped put it in my hand. I felt around the stick with my thumb and figured it out. There was a beep, a bit of a wait, and the pain started dissipating. I saw a cup shape and tried reaching for it. Out of nowhere, Ma reaches the cup and starts feeding me more chips. She kept talking to me, asking me if that was enough, if I was in pain, if she could do anything. Just her being there was enough for me. I eventually came to and didn’t need that button anymore. Most of the pain was during the time when I didn’t know what buttons were. Ma was up from her chair within seconds every single time I shifted. She even stopped watching her soap to check on me, and as everyone knows, you don’t even talk to Ma while her stories are on. I already knew my Ma was the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful woman on the planet, I didn’t think there was a way I could love her more, but her dedication was on a whole other level that I didn’t think possible. I was lucky enough to have extremely attentive nurses already. I feel like they were in that room 3 to 4 times an hour, but the greatest blessing that day was the loving dedication of my old, crazy Ma. I love you, Ma. Thanks for all the ice chips and for braving Wal-Mart to bring me applesauce.
Instead of writing today, I went outside to dig up the area by my fence and plant some flowers. As I was pulling the lavender out of its pot to plant in the ground, I noticed that the roots were holding on to the pot, fighting to leave its cramped little home. It happened with the hyacinth as well, the roots also wrapped hopelessly around itself. It dawned on me that this could be a lesson. It’s hard to leave the only place you’ve ever called home. It’s scary to be moved away from everything you’ve ever known and placed out in the wide open world. Sometimes, you fight the change, and that’s okay for awhile, just don’t hold on so tight or stay so long that it destroys parts of you. Everyone comes to that place in life where the Universe tells them that they need to move on. There are usually signs like small things going wrong and the general sense that you don’t belong anymore. Generally speaking, you’ll know when it’s time to leave the little pot you grew up in. Maybe you’ll move a bigger planter or maybe you’ll just jump out into the earth. Just remember that the move is for the best. Staying in a place you’ve outgrown will only kill you inside. Moving on to bigger and better plots of dirt could just see you grow and thrive. Anyway, have a look at my newest video. These are a few of the books I like to read and a few books that help me whenever I get stuck. I particularly love the book with some writing prompts. That one always seems to help the creative juices flow. Right, well there’s still plenty of time to vote in the 2019 TCK Reader's Choice Awards. Just click here, the link will take you to the voting page, A Warrior's Path: Rise of a Legend is on page 8, 19th selection down from the top. And if you feel so inclined, check out the books tab, scroll down, and get yourself one of two free book, or both.
Inspire, motivate, believe. Together we can change the world. Let’s all work together to make a better place. We can be each other’s cheerleader. We all rise together. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I’ve always had a story idea or 5 running around in my head. Most of the time, I’ll write them down and try to make something out of them. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, sometimes I think it’s bad but other people think it’s good. I love to tell stories, but I also love to procrastinate. I’m an artistic person by nature and there are so many interesting DiY art projects to try. Some of them seem impossibly easy while others just seem downright impossible. When I can’t quite figure out how a story should go, I usually find another artistic endeavor like resin, paints, or clay. Sometimes I leave the artistic world and just find new recipes to make. So, the point of this rambling is that I’ve decided (more than 2 years ago) to start a YouTube channel. At the time, I didn’t quite know what I would do with one. I could be like other writers and offer up some advice and try to teach, but I don’t think I’m quite up to that level yet. All I can do is offer up my support and love. Maybe that’s a lesson to teach all its own. I considered doing puppet shows, which I still may do, but I didn’t have a working concept for it. It suddenly dawned on me that all my “planning” and “brainstorming” about the issue was really just another form of fear. My fear of being seen, of failure, of exposure, but if I want my stories out there, I need all of these things. I finally decided that I could find out what I was going to do with the channel later. First, I needed to get out there and get over my fear. Not many people will see the first videos anyway and I needed to put myself out there, like a hungry bunny in a hawk infested area. The first few videos I had planned involve reading some short stories of the past over video of the experiments I’m procrastinating with in a series simply called The Procrastinating Writer. It’s my hope that once I get more comfortable with myself and what I’m doing that I branch out to the real thing I wanted to do. Everything in life is a learning process. Without further ado, my first video.
It sure has been awhile. Gotta love my consistency. I haven't really been keeping up with the stuff I said i would (no kidding), but I did drive out of town on a rainy day, because of course we did. Why is it that every time I have to drive pretty much anywhere out of town with Ma for anything there’s some sort of inclement weather? Ma had a doctor’s appointment out of town because that’s where all the specialists are, but per our usual luck, there was a storm on the way. According to the weather apps, it would be chasing us out of town if we hurried after the appointment so I had high hopes. Shame on me. The really odd thing about it all is that even though the sky turned black and the rain started falling faster than the wipers could clear, we actually did miss the worst parts. We left Albuquerque around the time when people are getting off work, so I already knew traffic was going to be a mess. The rain started and stopped like it always does. It was either nothing or the entire waterfall. It seemed that most of the drivers didn’t care that the ground was wet or that visibility was low, or that the wind was high, or that there were cars in front of them. So completely normal. I’d say I almost got run off the road a few times, but I can stand with the best of them. They’ll either wait for me to get out of the way on my own time or they’ll get tracked down and arrested for murder. Passing semi trucks was no day at the beach. They kicked up a lot of water that made visibility even worse. All I could think to tell myself was that I knew the road was there and if I made it to the front wheels I could see again and all would be well. So I popped a Mentos (not sponsored) and pressed on. (Mentos do not increase your bravery or improve your driving skills, they’re just minty and delicious) Driving blind isn’t fun. Around one of the towns, a police officer flew onto the interstate and took off down the road. I watched him for as long as I could. I liked the fact that there was something I could easily keep track of all the way off into the horizon because his lights were so bright, but I could only watch him for a little while before he was gone. Somewhere down the interstate I came across a large group of vehicles. The big trucks were in a line waiting for the other vehicles to get around, everyone recklessly jockeying for the best position while one two people held them up, one slowly passing the other. I decided to take a bathroom break. I obviously wasn’t getting around them anyway. When we got back on the road, I found out where the cop was going. Seemed there was a silver pickup that had rolled over, either due to the rain or the wind or maybe both.
As we entered into another county, Ma’s phone went off notifying us that there was a tornado in the area, take shelter now. I was hoping it was in a different area since her GPS wasn’t turned on, but I knew better. Smartphones always know where they are. Of course, I always wonder where one is supposed to take shelter when they’re literally in the middle of nowhere. No houses, no businesses, no ditches, just a side of the road in a car. And if my only shelter is a car, I’m going to keep moving. We’re basically in a steel roll cage. I think car frames are still made of steel. That’s gotta be safer than being out in the open, right? My phone has the GPS on so it’s more pinpointed to an area, so when mine went off as I watched the winds increase even more sending lines of water shooting across the road, I got even more scared than that time Ma made me drive home during winter storm Goliath. The tornado was coming. I mean, we lived, obviously. I was just really tense all the way home. I never saw that tornado. Not sure how close we were to it either, but that’s the kind of energy that anyone can feel. It just screams danger. A friend of mine said she didn’t know which trip was worse, the snow storm or the tornado. I’d still go with the blizzard because I never got stuck in the water and I only had to slow down for a few miles at a time. This trip took a little over 4 hours (an hour over normal) versus Goliath that took 15 hours (10 hours over normal), but I think driving next to a tornado is a pretty close second.
Too many people out there constantly give of themselves and never take the time to give themselves the time they need to heal and breathe. I don't have a significant other, and that's okay. I can sing praises of everyone in my life, but I never want to talk about myself. I need to learn to love myself first before I can love anyone else in that way, and a letter to myself is a good place to start. It was surprisingly hard to start. I'm not my biggest fan. All of my insecurities started to come out at just the thought of giving myself any praise. But I pushed through because I think it's a good exercise for me. Maybe I'll be more comfortable networking and trying to get my work out there more if I build up more confidence in myself. Dear Me, You’re pretty amazing! You’ve gone through life trying your best even when things don’t go your way. You’ve helped others as best you know how and you’re always trying to get the world to laugh and share their hearts with others. Sometimes you succeed in your endeavors, others you don’t, and even then you still walk around with a smile on your face, a song on your lips, and the belief that one day they’ll be a love in your heart meant just for you. Even though you’re still waiting for that special someone, you’ve been loved by many through friendship and family. Even strangers can see how amazing you are. What I love most about you is that you never give up. There’s a calling in your heart and even though the road is tough and there are so many rejections along the way, you keep the faith that one day it’ll all work out for the best. You believe in the power of yourself, that persistence and dedication will eventually pay off in the end. You know that there are forces at work that reward such dedicated behavior and you express gratitude for all help (physical and spiritual) every step of the way. Even when there are some who try and stop you from your goals, you fight on. Even when there are those who try to tell you it’s not worth the fight, you persist. You know that even small steps forward are still steps forward. Your mantra is what Lao Tzu told you “the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” And slowly step by step you move. Small progress is still progress. You are a strong, beautiful woman with a kind and loving heart. You may not have that romantic love you’re looking for, but you’re completely surrounded by people who adore you, and that’s no small feat. So stop trying to force your heart to love someone in that way. Love comes in its own time in its own way and is different for everyone. I love you just the way you are. Sincerely, Yourself
Anyway, there's a bit of mush for you lovey types. Tell the people in your life how much you love an appreciate them every chance you get. You never know when it'll be your last. Oh, and go vote in the 2019 TCK Reader's Choice Awards. The link will take you to the voting page, A Warrior's Path: Rise of a Legend is on page 8. And if you feel so inclined, check out the books tab, scroll down, and get yourself a free book.
Inspire, motivate, believe. Together we can change the world. Let’s all work together to make a better place. We can be each other’s cheerleader. We all rise together. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. It's time for the 2019 TCK Reader's Choice Awards. Vote for me! The link will take you to the voting page, my listing is on page 8. See another book you like in another category? Vote for them too. Everyone appreciates a little support now and then, and this won't cost you a thing. Was that title a little click-baity? Sorry. Here's a picture of some cats that aren't mine. At least, I think there's some cats underneath all that fur. They meow like cats. I did take the picture, though. I've been entering so many contests lately that I haven't been writing, not like I used to anyway. Sure the right contests can be important for exposure, but so can getting a story in a magazine or something. Oh well, I'm sure I'll figure it all out. Failure, trial and error and great teachers. Anyway, if you haven't already, vote TCK Reader's Choice Awards. Fantasy listing is on page 8,
Inspire, motivate, believe. Together we can change the world. Let’s all work together to make a better place. We can be each other’s cheerleader. We all rise together. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
For the upcoming year, I plan on doing more things towards my dreams. I probably said that last year, but if I can do one thing every day, then 2019 will be even better. I plan on not sweating the small stuff, like not letting people get to me. I need to ignore those people when I'm doing something for myself. I need to learn that I matter too and it's okay to do things that are good for me and my future. I need to learn to love me and to take care of me. I also need to stop spending so much time on YouTube and spend more time writing. Anyway, I promised a bit of what happened over Christmas. It sounded better in my head right when we got back which is probably when I should've written it, but it's okay for now.
I though back, hoping to fill my head with a bit of joy from the fun family times we had not two days prior. We paid a visit to my brother’s kids over the Christmas holiday, a trek we make every year. We watched some movies and had some nice quality time together. Ma wanted us to go see the River of Lights in Albuquerque. So, the day after Christmas, we drove up that way. Along the way, we made a stop in a convenience store. The bathroom was broken so I left to go to a different store across the street. I backed out of the spot and the boy child said “aren’t we forgetting someone?” I looked over at his sister and then to the empty chair and it actually took me a moment to realize that I had left Ma in the store. In my defense, she said she didn’t have to go and planned on staying in the car. I had to park the car again and go in the store looking for her.
I’m glad I made that drive half asleep in the dark because the next day I heard that over 90% of my trip would’ve had very difficult conditions and I probably would’ve panicked with Goliath flashbacks.
So that was the trip. Not very exciting because we spent so much time just hanging out watching TV or at the movies. It was time we spent together so that's all that matters. Anyway, last post of the year. Hoping for even more and exciting posts for the future. What are some of your resolutions for 2019? How do you plan on achieving those things? Inspire, motivate, believe. Together we can change the world. Let’s all work together to make a better place. We can be each other’s cheerleader. We all rise together. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Let's all make 2019 our best years ever! It's cold. That's why I hate snow. It's cold and gets everywhere, like sand only cold. I don't really think I've ever liked the snow. You'd have to ask Ma to be sure. It seems that the year I was being formed there was a snow storm that covered the top of our family van.Ma likes to ask if I remember that storm and I tell her yes because I was hanging out in her womb, sitting back in my recliner with a cup of cocoa looking out of her belly button at it fall. There was another year when I was a baby and we were driving together as a family trying to get to Ohio. Maybe I picked up on the tension and/or fear as we drove through the dark on slick roads with low visibility. There was another time long ago when it snowed a lot and my brother stayed outside because he was building a snow cave, even after it started snowing again. He kept coming back in for water to reinforce the walls. I'm glad that thing didn't cave in on him because no one knew exactly where he was until it was finished and we had to come and see his masterpiece. It was pretty cool in there (pun intended). It protected from the wind so it wasn't freezing. It would've been a nice place to just hang out while the blizzard started to increase outside, but I don't like enclosed places for too long and Ma wasn't about to let her babies stay in a snow fort during a blizzard. Anyway, we had a nice little trip this Christmas, but in the interest of having more things to post about to get me back on the Monday post track, I'll put that story up on Monday and instead share with you that time I thought snow was going to kill me. Around the same time three years ago was Winter Storm Goliath, and it did its absolute best to live up to its name. Trips with Ma: Snow Day It was two days after Christmas 2015 and Ma and I were ready to drive across the state back home. The problem with that decision was that it had snowed the day before, the largest snowstorm in years. Winter Storm Goliath they called it. There are people out there who are saying things like “why would a little snow make a difference?” To those people I must inform you that New Mexico is not a state that’s accustomed to snow, especially that much. Sure there are ski resorts here and a few towns that have those elusive machines known as the snow plow, but not everywhere in the state does, because those areas don’t know what snow is. The snow fell all night and the department of transportation advised the public that if they didn’t have to travel, then don’t. Ma heard all this and insisted on leaving anyway. My recommendation was to tell the hotel that we wanted to stay another night. It was cold and icy, but not so bad in that town and the hotel had told us that they had the room if we wanted one more night. For whatever reason, she really wanted to get home, so off we went. It was slow going coming out of the floodplain city and 70 miles to the basin. But once we were down that side of the mountain, things really cleared up. It was almost as if it never snowed at all. 14 more miles to the next little piece of civilization and we were forced to stop. This snow shut down the major highway through the mountains. There were cars backed up for miles sitting at the closed gates. I recommended going back 14 miles and getting a hotel for the night, but Ma wanted a map so we could plot a course around. I was curious if we could take an adjacent mountain trail, but when I looked up at that mountain I could swear I heard menacing music as the dark clouds moved over it. Death Mountain was not a trip I was looking for. If they didn’t close those roads, it would be nothing but sharp turns and steep hills for miles.
Travelling down the highway in the middle of a caravan made me feel sort of safe, because we weren’t out there alone. The cars in front would pack down the snow so the car I was driving could safely traverse, as long as I followed their path. The sun had set while we were waiting, and driving in the dark has always been a bit of a chore for me, but we made it safely down the next 58 miles. Some of the caravan continued, some of them stopped. Inside the convenience store, we all commented to each other about things: where were we going, where were we from, the benefits of those with internet in their cars and at least one bar cell signals. It was a fun moment. Of course, ultimately everyone was only out for themselves in the end. Understandable I suppose. The lady at the counter mentioned that a church and the school gym were open to travelers to keep them off the roads. I was ready to quit and get at it in the morning, but by this point we were only an hour from home. It was as quick a stop as each individual car could make and we continued in small caravans if we were quick enough to follow one down the highway. I followed that caravan. We weaved back and forth to avoid the occasional large snow dune. Seems everyone was heading east. The two lane highway had little to no westbound traffic. At one point, we were stopped by someone who got stuck. Instead of helping them get unstuck, members of the caravan only moved them out of the way. They were only out for themselves after all, and by this point I was too. 20 minutes from home. The road finally splits into a four land highway for awhile, two lanes each way, and I started to speed. We were so close. A snow plow made its way by us, most likely to help clear streets in town. I couldn’t decide which street to take to make it across to my area of town. I figured the usual way would be blocked and dark, the other common way would be even worse with its one street light, so I kept to the main roads leaving my caravan to the highway. I hope they all made it home safely. I made it over a few patches here and there, but one snow drift was a bit too high for the rental car. It tried its absolute best to get over it, but the bumper was too low. We were stuck. There were a couple of guys in a bigger truck that drove by, but it was clear they weren’t going to help. The wheels spun wildly as I tried to get us unstuck, but we weren’t going anywhere. Just as I was ready to cry so close to home, a guy came out of his house on the corner and started to push. We worked together, him pushing and me on the gas, trying to rock the car back and forth. His wife came out and we all tried. We shoveled some snow from the front trying to get the drift down. At one point, he got into his small truck that may as well be a midsize car, and tried to push. He kept trying until his engine was ready to overheat. The wind was high and the cold biting when I got out to push. On a normal night, I probably could’ve walked home and grabbed one of the older cars to go back and get Ma, but the wind was so high that it was hard to stand and the temperature so low that my hands lost feeling in two minutes in gloves.
Just as we were all ready to call it quits, I found new determination to try again. We were so close to home. I rolled that car back in the groove we created and slammed the gas to the floor. I kept the pedal pushed down unrelenting and listened to the engine roar, hearing the tires squeal against the ice, letting the car shift lightly from left to right. I kept that pedal down believing that we’re either getting out of here or I’m burning out the damn engine block. I rented that car, what did I care? Then, out of nowhere, it slowly went up and over. We hugged that man and his wife before moving on. Onward with Ma at the wheel. We turned down a street we hoped would get us across town. There was another snow drift and Ma chose to go over it carefully rather than attack. We got stuck. I was greatly weakened from the previous drift but tried anyway. Pushing was pointless by myself and Ma just didn’t get that I wanted that pedal pushed down to the floor and for it to stay there. Not two minutes later, someone drove by. It may have been the same people from before because it looked like the same truck. Those two young men got us out in no time and told us of the flatter areas in the road. They said they’ve been out driving them all night. I thanked them and we turned around. Cold, hungry, and scared out of my mind, I drove back to where they had said. I couldn’t see the spot they were talking about. The entire road looked exactly the same so I hung out in a convenience store parking lot that decided they didn’t want to be open anymore. Those guys drove back our way and lined themselves up with the opening. He flashed his lights at it and then took off as if to show me where it was. Reluctantly I followed and we were on our way. I weaved on the road across town avoiding the snow drifts. Things were going fine until I turned down my next street and saw snow across the entire road along with a car that was stuck and a snow plow that was going to get it out. There was a black SUV on my side of the drift and he rolled his vehicle up over a curb and into the parking lot to get around the drift. I followed his lead but then he backed up and signaled for me to go ahead. It may have only been five minutes from home, but I was tired of driving, my eyes couldn’t focus enough to get us anywhere and I didn’t have strength enough to keep trying, but I know a cop when I see one, marked car or not. I asked him and his partner if they could drive us home. He said hop in. I parked the rental somewhere under some light and off we went over piles I’m sure I could’ve gone until we turned down another street. It was covered. The officers had to pull two full sized pick-ups out of their snow traps before getting us closer. They turned down our street that was nothing but snow and ice and dropped us off at the door. It was supposed to be a less than four hour drive that was turned into more than thirteen, but I found help the entire way. I didn’t eat and hardly drank, but when I got into the warmth of the house, I was just too relieved and tired to care. I’m just so glad that the universe watches over me, especially when I’m being an idiot. So that's what happened three years ago. I'll have a more recent and much less traumatizing story to tell on my regular upload day (hopefully). But this is definitely the reason that now, any kind of falling snow fills me with so much anxiety. Inspire, motivate, believe. Together we can change the world. Let’s all work together to make a better place. We can be each other’s cheerleader. We all rise together. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. |
AuthorYA Fantasy author and amateur photographer living in New Mexico. A reflection of herself, her characters are timid at first but tend to stand up and push through when times get tough. Archives
April 2020
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